Thursday, 30 December 2010

Sorry, I've Been A Bit Tied Up...

Right. First of all I really must apologise- I know I haven't posted in an excruciatingly long time. I'm sure you must all be totally outraged and devastated that I have been depriving you of my witty repartee and tales of various sexual exploits. And there is a good reason behind my silence. I recently met an incredibly handsome, funny, independently wealthy man- with no emotional baggage and a burning desire to be in a serious relationship- and we are dating. *Falls over and cries with hysterical laughter*

Clearly this is not true. The fact of the matter is, I haven't had so much as a snifter of action in what feels like an eternity. I have also moved house and started an incredibly time-consuming new job...which is really a poor excuse for my practically nun-like existence, but I am entitled to be as deceitful with myself as I like in order to prevent myself from self harming/binge eating.

But enough of that. I do need to thank you all for your amazing responses to my Facebook shag dilemma. I feel that I have to share some of your advice, because a) frankly it is too funny not to and b) I need a subject for a blog post. I would like to preface the comments by saying that I did eventually reply to him and told him that under no circumstances would I sleep with him on a pre-arranged cyber sex date but that he was welcome to pick up the telephone and call me like a normal human being. He replied saying: "Thats OK, I like to work for it as it well brings out my A game." Needless to say, I have never answered any of his calls (as he is clearly more of a social mutant that I remembered if he thinks that was an appropriate response) and am going to be focussing on searching out fresh meat in the new year, about which I promise to update you regularly.

Below are my favourite responses- thank you all, and Happy New Year!!!!

-Be thankful he didn't create a public Facebook event page with the "Attending", "Maybe attending" and "Not attending" options. I actually think I might have preferred it if he had done?

-The words 'steamy passion' gives me literally the dry boak. This made me laugh out loud, even before I had looked up what "the dry boak" was...

-In reply to your most recent post:
a.) He used the term "steamy passion" which in my book deserves a clean slap with a brick (for his own good of course).
b.)I was recently in the predicament of wanting to ask a girl out for a drink but couldn't bring myself to do it over facebook.
d.)Just NO.
I should point out that this was the only post from a male reader that didn't encourage me to go and sleep with him immediately.

-Wank. And then tell him to go grout his own asshole! My unrivalled favourite comment.


  1. Welcome back and I look forward to hearing about your deficit being, erm, filled. *cough*

    Happy New Year xx

  2. First paragraph was the first time I've laughed a hearty laugh at something on a computer screen in a long time.

  3. Hallelujah she's back!!! :-D
    As usual this gave me a thorough loud laugh.
    Please keep up the posts, they bring light and hilarity into my otherwise monotonous work days!

  4. LOL!

    Lola x

  5. Sometime few educational blogs become very helpful while getting relevant and new information related to your targeted area. As I found this blog and appreciate the information delivered to my database.

    Best website designing company in Kanpur